"Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." So claims author John Gray. The gist of his book, we understand, is that sexes have opposite ways of handling relationships. But it also suggests that an interplanetary code of fruitful conduct exists that can be learned and followed to everyone's benefit.
What it doesn't take into account is that planets often go out of alignment. As many in California know, relational orbits can decay. The result may well be divorce. But just because the planets go different ways doesn't mean they are destined to be sucked into a black hole of despair. Working with an experienced attorney has a way of maintaining a balance.
A lot of experts have offered advice to help the inhabitants of Venus get through divorce. Rarely have we come across something for Martians. Here are a few from the producers of AskMen.
One of the first tips is the recommendation to contact a lawyer. Even if you think your divorce is going to be amicable, the author says it's important to have legal counsel to be sure your rights are protected.
Other tips include:
- Divest yourself of the relationship. If it helps to think in financial terms, think of the marriage as a sunk cost. The investment has been made. It hasn't paid off. The earlier you come to that realization, the quicker you'll be able to move on.
- Be good to yourself. Reaction to divorce can manifest itself in self blame. Rather than dwelling on what you could or should have done differently in the relationship, seek to forgive yourself. Leave the past in the past so you can move forward.
- Don't isolate yourself. Marriage has a way of eroding long-ago friendships. It may be that, as the old song says, you have a longing in your heart for that old gang that drifted apart. There's a potential support system in that roster of chums, male or female. Now may be a good time to reconnect.
- Pick up a new hobby. Not only may a new pastime challenge you to get beyond all the current negative conditions. It not only could be distracting, but it likely will mean meeting new people.
The key point is to not lose sight of being focused on achieving new orbit stability.
Source: The Huffington Post, "6 Indispensable Tips on Surviving Your Divorce," Jonno Hill, AskMen, April 24, 2014